Visit with the Neurosurgeon

Tomorrow is our appointment with the neurosurgeon who will be performing #1's surgery. She is coming with us to this visit. I did ask her if she wanted to or not and her response was, "Uh, YEAH! I want to meet the person who will be doing my BRAIN surgery, Mom." And I really didn't expect anything different, it was just odd to hear her say it. I think that tomorrow will be her epiphany. The date where the possibility becomes the reality. My epiphany was a couple of months ago when the neurologist called me at work to let me know the most up-to-date test results and the fact that their neurology board had decided to pursue surgery for #1. I literally sat in my office and cried like a baby because the possibility had become my reality.

I don't mind saying that I am scared. I put my faith in God, but my human side comes through when I think about someone operating on my baby's brain. The possibility that my #1 going into surgery might not be the same #1 coming out of surgery. I give this worry over to God each and every day, but because I AM human, I take it back daily.

On other topics, my mom and dad have been married for 40 years this February. Unfortunately, I don't think they'll make it to 41 years. My mom's brain functioning is going downhill quickly, but to top that off, it seems as though my dad has struck up a friendship with another woman which is really causing difficulties in the house. Just as a quick background, my mom is the most unfeminine, non-maternal, hard-nosed woman that I have ever met. She has been difficult as long as I've been alive. To top things off, I believe that she is bordering on a strong diagnosis of either dementia or early-onset Alzheimers. BUT that's no excuse for my dad to decide after 40 years of marriage that he's had enough. He wouldn't leave her if she had some tangible illness such as cancer. But because this can't be easily diagnosed, not something you can touch or read, he's ready to call it quits. On the one hand, I can't blame him because I know more than anyone what it's like to live with someone who is mentally ill (my ex is a schizophrenic). However, on the other hand, she is sick and I feel strongly about leaving a spouse because they are sick and not meeting your needs any longer. I can't worry about that right now, however, there are so many other things going on in our lives that carry greater worry weight.