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Monday, January 24, 2011

Tired and Venting

Just to clarify – I have a blessed life. I have overall great kids, a wonderful husband who loves me, a nice house, a good job, etc. I am fortunate that God takes care of all my needs and the needs of my family, most of our wants, and we still have plenty. But…

People who know me in real-life know that I usually am NOT a complainer, whiner, or habitual griper - it’s not normally my nature. That being said, this past year I’ve become extremely unhappy at work, generally disillusioned with the workplace as a whole and with my immediate area in particular. While my home life is great – marriage and hubby are wonderful, as always, my kiddos are sorely testing my patience and fortitude lately – the older two mostly. My father has stressed me out with the whole remarriage thing. The hubby’s family is stressing me out with financial matters that are out of my control but affecting my family. I find myself short on tolerance, short on understanding, and just generally unhappy. I am physically feeling the effects of constant stress – the headaches, the aches and pains, the nausea, etc.

After spewing all that I have to say that I am wondering HOW to get past this point. I’m wondering WHY I’m just now feeling all of that when life has been much more difficult and overall horrible in the past than it is now. Is it hormonal in nature? Am I at that magic age where the mood swings, hot flashes (oh, geez – the hot flashes!!), and the crankiness rule for a while? Am I at a point in my health where things are starting to break down and the aches and pains aren’t just stress – heart problems, WLS related difficulties, etc? WHAT is going on with me physically and mentally?

I would NEVER, EVER trade my family in – I love my husband and my girls. But... But there are days where I longingly think about taking my hubby (who tolerates me right now like a champ) and just running away. Finding a new job (hey – I can be a Wally-world greeter anywhere!), finding a new place to live, a new environment and just being me. Not the mom, not the good employee, not the whole, total, functional mess that I seem to be right now and cannot seem to grow past. I think that Montana might be a cool (literally!) place to live. I’d love to live again in New Orleans (uh, but I have family there – see above stress factors). California is appealing (but those unpredictable earthquakes make me shake). Anywhere but here sounds tempting some days.

So, all two of my faithful readers – do you ever go through this? Thoughts? Suggestions? Reprimands?

Thursday, January 20, 2011


I seem to start every single entry with the words, “It’s been a long time since my last update.” LOL. Lots of normal life going on. Kels has lost control of the seizures again and we are playing with her meds. She had a sleep study done over the Christmas break and we go in on Tuesday for results.

Life with the other kids is going along as normal as it ever gets. Kate is graduating in May and is as hot-and-cold with me as ever. I guess like a normal teenager she likes me at certain times and not at others. Cambo is such a sweet kiddo that I hope her head doesn’t begin to spin around when she hits the teens.

The wonderful hubby is great, as always, loving us all no matter the level of hormonal outbreaks in the house, thank God. Work is work. I am working hard to get out of this career and into another – hopefully by the end of this year.
Short and sweet – but I’ll try to get better about the updating.