I took Kels to the doctor this morning to rule out any infection that might have caused the seizures yesterday. Nothing. She has an acute case of sinusitis (as always – she is the allergy QUEEN!) but nothing else. We had some prescriptions for other meds to drop off, so while I was at the pharmacy, I asked for a print-out of all of Kels' meds from June so that I could update the copay sheet for the ex. I noticed with only half of my attention that the last time we refilled her Keppra was October 11. Huh. Today is November 13. And I remembered seeing plenty of pills still in the bottle at home.
I didn't say anything to her at the time, but when we got home I went and counted the meds left over and there was well over a week's worth. So I asked her again (because we just went through this yesterday when trying to find a reason for the seizures after six months of none) if she had forgotten or skipped any pills. This time she admitted to missing a couple of morning doses when she was running late and didn't want to go back to the house and miss the bus. So I pointed out that there was more than a couple of morning's doses left in the bottle. And then I asked the question that really brought out the reason for the seizures. I asked her if she stopped taking the Keppra on purpose because of the side effects and she started crying and said, "Yes."
There you go. I didn't fuss at her too much because I can totally understand her reasoning. She doesn't like who she is on Keppra. She doesn't like the mood swings or the irritability or the altered personality. I can understand that. She also went on to tell me that she thought the epilepsy was gone because she "didn't feel it anymore." Again, I can understand that mentality.
I did, however, point out that she didn't feel the seizures because for once in her life the medicine was controlling them. Not that they were gone, but that the meds were working. I also took the opportunity to ask her if being a more agreeable person over the last couple of weeks was worth the last two days (and future few days) of unstable seizures, muscle soreness, and an altered routine. And she said no. I told her that she was nearly an adult and that she needed to help take responsibility for her health and that included making sure that she took the meds that regulated this disease. Not until she began to feel better, but to maintain her good health.
And then I went to my room and cried for her, because this is her struggle.