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Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Another Day – Another Absence

#1 had a seizure last night. The Todd's paralysis isn't resolving itself as quickly anymore, so when it was time for her to get up this morning and go to school, she couldn't move her left leg effectively. The wonderful hubs and I both put in a half-day – morning for me and evening for him – so that we could stay home with her. She is missing so much more school than usual right now and it is stressing her (and me) out big time.

The worry sometimes is unbelievable. Not to mention the stress and fatigue. I think I slept for all of an hour and a half last night. We have a monitor in her room (which is upstairs and on the opposite end of the house) so that we can hear when she begins to seize. So, if I wasn't hanging my head over the side of the bed to better hear every little sound on the monitor, then I was running up the stairs to check on her to make sure that little noise I heard underneath the static wasn't a seizure. I know that getting to the surgical point is a process filled with tests and labs and physician visits, however, it just seems as though the days are creeping by. Her depression continues to spiral out of control some days. Fifteen is a difficult age under normal circumstances, however, being fifteen with out of control seizure disorder is rough.

The wonderful hubs and I are taking a 5-day weekend in a couple of weeks to get away and recharge. I feel a little guilty leaving her while she's going through this, but I know that if we don't take some time for ourselves, we burnout. Constant caretaking takes a toll. My dad will be watching the girls while we are gone, and I have total confidence in his ability to handle anything that comes, but I also know that #1 prefers mom when her health issues are interfering and I also know that she prefers to be home when things are bad. So that little chip of mom guilt that is planted on our shoulders when that first little darlin' is born continues to grow with decisions like this. Do we stay? Do we go? What would #1 want? Geez.

More later.

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