It's late here – nearly 11:00. The house is quiet, except for #1 tossing and turning that I can hear over the monitor. In just about 8 hours, my baby will have the first of two surgeries. Tomorrow's surgery is to place the electrode grid over her right parietal lobe, with electrode strips in other areas. This will help the surgeon to determine more exactly which areas of the brain to remove on the 2nd surgery. In order to do this, they will have to capture seizures while the grid is in place. To better facilitate seizures, she has been taken off of all her anti-seizure meds. My baby looks like she is going through the DT's. Or a better description would be that she looks like a Parkinson's patient. Her hands are shaking so badly at times that her entire arm moves. Her feet and legs are twitching constantly. Her aura comes and goes, but we haven't seen one seizure as of yet. She's gone from taking 14 pills per day to none as of this evening. The Trileptal was the first to go about a month ago and four days ago, her neuro pulled her Lamictal, Keppra, and Klonopin.
I am afraid. I am afraid of the brain surgeries themselves. I am afraid that the beautiful, wonderful young woman that I have the privilege of calling my daughter will not be the same young woman that comes out of surgery. Most of all, I am afraid that she might be one of the few that this surgery doesn't work for.
I have given my child to God to watch over for the next couple of weeks. I'm just borrowing her on this earth and He does a much better job of taking care of her than I do.