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Sunday, March 16, 2008


Today has been one of those days that has seemed so full of grief and hassle and it has gone on forever. It's only 8:45 at night, but it feels so much later. Things are quiet on the seizure front – this latest drug cocktail of Keppra, Lamictal and Trileptal seem to be working, with only one seizure in the last 4 weeks. It's an accepted fact that once an epileptic fails two drug therapies or more that they won't have much control no matter what the drug. #1 has been on too many anti-seizure meds to count, so while we have a tenuous control now, I don't expect it to last. I am hoping that it will last at least until her surgery date, however.

My hubby and I got off to a rocky start this morning, but the good thing about marrying a Christian man is that we both share the same beliefs and after a while, things were back on track. That's about the time my cell phone beeped, alerting me that I had a voice mail. It was from my mother. I think I mentioned a few posts ago that my parents' are heading for divorce. Neither one of them seem to be capable of acting like adults and instead are behaving like a couple of children. Dad has a female friend, and while I don't even pretend to know whether or not they have actually crossed the line and slept together, he has put himself in a bad spot for a married man. Mom knows about the woman, about their friendship and is acting like a jealous teenager – tracking dad down at the lady's house (which happens to be a rental house that my parents own), bad-mouthing him all over town, etc. For the last few weeks now neither one of them has said anything to me about what's going on, but my sister is catching the brunt of things because they are both venting to her, and she in turn vents to me.

This morning, however, mom dragged me into it and the entire day has been spent with phone calls from mom and my sister. My sister is at her wit's end – she's had it and my dad has put her in a really uncomfortable spot because of some things that he has asked her to do. She finally broke down this evening and told me that she just can't take it anymore. She told dad that she had no respect for him any longer and that he needed to drive to her town, take care of this business that he has asked her to do, and then she doesn't want anything to do with him again. On top of that, mom let it be known that my girls weren't going to their house for spring break because of him, which is NOT what I said. What I did tell her was that my girls had already lived through a war very similar to this with their schizophrenic, abusive dad and that I wasn't going to willingly send my girls into their war zone and let them become pawns in their game.

So, my head and heart are full of concern and worry. Worry about my mom and dad, their health, their mental stability, and their 40-year marriage. Concern about a few things here in my own home, and the constant worry that I carry with me about #1 and her health. Worry and concern weigh me down and I'm feeling all used up and old today.

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