The last few weeks I have been trying to spend as much time with all the girls as possible, but especially with #1. The "what if's" are racing through my brain right now. "What if" the #1 going into surgery isn't the same #1 coming out? "What if" she comes out brain damaged? "What if" she doesn't come through at all? I know that I've placed my girl in God's hands and that He has the ultimate plan for her, however, my human side sometimes struggles with acceptance and these "what if's" are bothering me.
I've had snippets of memories come out of nowhere. For example, the other day I was telling my husband the story of when #1 was about 6 months old and my sister was over playing with her and had her raised above her head, twisting her back and forth and making her laugh. And during one of those over the head maneuvers, the reflux reared up, and with the loudest sound to come of that child's mouth to that point in her young life, she drenched my sister with what seemed like a gallon of baby spit-up. And a half-gallon in my sister's open, laughing mouth (which stopped laughing pretty quick – LOL). I know – really gross, but really funny at the same time.
I remember that baby being my constant companion for the first year and a half of her life, lodged on my left hip, laughing at the world. She was such a good baby, she was an easy-going toddler, and she's been a great teenager so far.
Nothing like mom-worry to bring out the mom-memories.